Thanksgiving Day with the Jehovah’s Witnesses:
I have one cousin who’s a Jehovah’s Witness. Like any other Jehovah’s Witness, she doesn’t celebrate holidays, because every day is equally important. Like other Jehovah’s Witnesses I’ve known, she’s very responsible and hard working, and doesn’t allow herself to be distracted from her responsibilities by a bunch of superfluous celebration. Among the Jehovah’s Witnesses, every day is Thanksgiving, because every single day is something you should be thankful for.
Somewhere in the south Pacific is an island where the primitive people live in grass huts and rake mud with sticks all day. I heard a story from an American who lived among these people for a while (but I don’t remember which island it was, unfortunately). According to the story, these people spend all their free time doing only three things: getting ready for parties, partying, and recovering from parties. That doesn’t sound very responsible, does it? And yet their entire culture is built around it. They sound like my kind of people! Literally, because they don’t sound terribly different from the Pagan community here in America.
So on behalf of the Pagan community, I just have one thing to say: No sh*t every day single day is something you should be thankful for. Every Pagan knows that! Why do you think we throw parties constantly? It’s not that some days are more important than other days, it’s just that some days you celebrate some things and other days you celebrate other things. Some days you celebrate bountiful harvests, and some days you celebrate the changing seasons, and some days you celebrate the mysteriousness of the boundaries between the world of the living and the world of the dead, and some days you celebrate your birth and some days you celebrate other people’s births, and some days you celebrate mothers, and some days you celebrate fathers, and some days you celebrate your wedding anniversary, and some days you celebrate the birth of your country and the things that it stands for, and a lot of days you celebrate being able to work for a living, and some days you celebrate being able to take a day off from working for a living.
So I can’t help but thinking that just maybe the Jehovah’s Witnesses are missing the point. If you try to celebrate everything by celebrating nothing, how are you ever going to know if you’re succeeding? How are you ever going to be able to tell what celebrating feels like if you never do it? In the same way, virgins aren’t very good in bed either, no matter what they might like to tell themselves.
It’s a great idea in theory, but in practice, as all the former Jehovah’s Witnesses I’ve known agree, and all the practicing Jehovah’s Witnesses I’ve ever known seem to indicate through their actions as far as I can tell, by trying to celebrate everything by celebrating nothing, they make every single day just as boring, uninteresting, plain, and non-descript as every other day. So what kind of a celebration is that?









