Emotional Communication
Any time you communicate with anyone, you are attempting to evoke a favorable response from the person. You want the person to react in a certain way, so you are communicating to try to get them to feel like reacting in the way you want. Of course, if the other person is communicating with you too, it means they want something out of the deal, and they’re trying to make you feel like giving it to them. In general, the best way to make the situation turn out favorably for yourself is to find a way to make it turn out favorably for the other person too. If it turns out favorably for you but unfavorably for the other person, you might win in the short run, but you can expect the other person to remember it and to start using his imagination to plot his revenge!
Any time you’re communicating with anyone and their communication seems unclear, watch how the person is expending their energy, through their body language, their tone of voice, their facial expressions, and the words they’re using. The person is trying to do one of two things: survive or reproduce (or both). They are using three mental abilities to help them do that, there are eight basic ways they can pursue their goals, and there are five additional factors that can affect them. They are communicating with you to try to get you to react in a way that will prove favorable to their goals. They are expending their energy in what they perceive to be the most efficient means to achieve their goals.
So:
How are they
Expending their energy
To try to evoke
A reaction from you
That they perceive
To benefit
Their survival and reproduction,
As efficiently
As possible?
If you can answer that question, you can understand what the person is doing. Even if you can’t answer that question, by trying to answer it, at least you can move yourself closer to understanding what they’re doing.
I call this the Web of Human Behavior because by establishing 18 points of reference you can deconstruct any emotional situation from romantic relationships to terrorist attacks. By doing so, you can identify what you are trying to do and what the other person is trying to do. Depending on the situation, you can then take an active approach to achieving your goals, to maintaining your emotional well being, and (if possible) to resolving conflicts in ways you and the other person will find mutually beneficial.
Now let’s look at how this Web of Human Behavior has brought us to some important landmarks in human evolution…









